through all of my delusion
and confusion
for meaning and purpose
a solidarity
a complexity
of what it really means
comes into focus everyonce in while
usually when I align myself to my Saviour
do I fully realize
that I don't understand
and I'm not supposed
to
I'm in that place now
I've spent the last week or so, really in a bizzare state of mind: sort of sick (physically) so my brains just not working. and just involved in this wierd brain game of wondering if I'm doing the right thing (it amazes me really just how much time I can spend there) and all the things that I "think I'm supposed to be doing" verses "what really matters" or exactly what God's perspective is on the whole thing. And I keep coming back to the first commandment " Love the Lord your God with all your heart (spirit), with all your soul (myself), and all your mind (intellect) and love your neighbor as yourself."
I don't know if what we're embarking on is the right thing -- I just dont'. But can we go through the motions and give glory to God, and love our "neighbors" while we do it -- Absolutely. And since we're gifted for reasons we can't explain (It's not US doing it) . I think it's o.k. to just keep going, afterall faith is one foot infront of the other, eyes on heaven in praise..not concerned for lack of ground below, just that we're in community with God and people.
I read this really interesting book the last couple days' called Simplicity, written by the lead singer of Stavesacre -- I found it pretty insightful on some stuff that I had been feeling sort of the same way about -- it's a good read, if you're a musician esp. -- I guess that was a sidebar. But it did start me on the journey of wondering about myself, and our music, and what the heck it all means...and where I "want to fit" as opposed to if I should be wondering that...etc. etc. but when I listen to our songs, I'm reminded how they are so NOT of ME. and I'm comforted -- and I do feel like I'm in the right direction.
The grass withers
the flowers fade away
but the word of God
stands forever
2 comments:
i am so thankful for our blogs ... they give me insight into your heart, and you into mine... it's as if we're having a conversation. and i am learning so much from you as you journey (blindly, as do i) along the road of life... i agree with you, that if we obey the first commandment, everything else will fall into place. love you! em.
by the way, i LOVE your new picture! can you send it to me on e-mail? i want to keep it!!! :)
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