My Anxieties

I'm starting to feel the numb cold fingers of insecurity
wrapping their slippery claws
around my stomach
I've been emailing churches (almost at random) for the last couple days
with a letter that explains me and Jay in a nutshell, for those who care
and basically asking for help --
I've heard back from only two so far
one, who didn't get my attachment (so 'reply' and 'attach' and 'send' again...)
and another who, asked me if we had a myspace page
(like, what does that mean??)
so I respond,
and he wants to know what our music is like..
(and here's where those cold fingers come in)
and all of a sudden, I'm thinking.....

k, we don't look like a 'church' band
we don't sound like a 'christian' band
and (PLEASE REMIND ME AGAIN)
I don't want to be a 'Christian' band...

SIDEBAR --- don't' get me wrong here, I LOVE God, Jesus Christ, with all my heart, mind and spirit, I just don't want to be lumped into some, easy to swallow, non-offending, milk toast category, that is safe for all, and sooooo very (in my opinion) Ineffective in the harvest fields of the WORLD that Christians seem to feel they need to shut themselves off from. On the other side I'll probably Poop my pants twice when we have to start playing and living what I just said, but I'd rather do that and fail miserably than stay 'clean' and not reach out --- k, sidebar ends.....
so here I am, emailing away my life on a sheet of paper to churches in Southern California, hoping and praying like I never have before, that somewhere, someone, will hear the voice of God and be like " hey, I have to help these people..." not as in, I want to be famous, I just think right now we need a good family, down there, who will open their doors and say "yes, we welcome you, we believe God does amazing things for those who follow by faith, and we know we're supposed to be here for you".

Everything is uncertain, except God's promises.

Lord, help me to stand on your word, your work, your vision, for you are my Rock, my Real
my Redeemer, and people will be as shifting shadows, but you are the shaft of light that breaks through us all.