Faith

I am noticing that, the more I feel most "off the rocker" the more I tend to trust in God.

It's not when things are easy, when things are "great". When I am happy with life and love and the good times.

It's when I am hanging on by a thin thread of sanity, with frailty, that I cry out, desparate for Him to answer me. So needing His touch on my life, on my situation, because, quite frankly, there is nothing else left or there for me to cling too.

tonight, is one of those nights. I find myself driving franticly through streets, searching for a cure for my "ailment". Feeling soooo much more alone, because I have no clue where/how to find anything here, it's all foriegn, as am I ... and I have No health-care ... (smart Amy, very Smart) and I am feeling really like I'm almost loosing it, and I cry out, I NEED YOU!!!

and I find, I listen more too, perhaps with the intent that if I listen to His still small voice that I will somehow receive His good gifts in just the right time as too NOT need the worlds' help. But I think in the end, these things don't really matter, for if I had faith the size of a mustard seed I would be fine ... and I want to be fine ...

but oh, why is that so hard for me to find?