June 26/09

Can you help me understand
this shape I'm in,
this place, this waste
This unbecoming wisp of what
is not
what it seems?

Loving memories last forever,
and that they do, but
slowly the memories fade
and soon I won't even be able to be here.
what happens when I can't remember anymore?
Distant shore of time
that holds all my preciouses
in borrowed time
it's all borrowed time
not mine
and these fake trees do NOT do justice to your memory

It's lonely
listening to trees
and birds that dont' care
I miss you
my beautiful family tree
my solid oak and my weeping willow
now carried down to
my mom and I
will we carry you , as you carried us?

I hold your sweet memory in my heart
your beautiful years
your cooking, your stories...
my scabbie legs that you gently tucked in

my friend when there was none...
did you understand my message?
did you hear my heart?
I believe you did...
my earth dad, we will wade into the river of life together in the end
nothing can take that away...
I love you forever
my grandpa my grandma
forgotten under earth now
but in this place,
there is peace
I feel it
I see it,
I bet you sat here too, looking and thinking this was a good place to rest...
Father, forgive me for my anger, this dangerous state I am in,
This reckfull abandon, of wishing to explode
you go on forever
like the sky, we cannot see the end, we can get lost in it's unendingness
you are here
you are here